Interactive Sermon

"Those who have the disease called Jesus will never be cured" ~Old Russian Proverb

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Interactive Sermon Exclusive!

Breaking News…

Two Poor Pastors speak about the controversy surrounding their upcoming performance and answer their critics.

With a transparency that is uncommon in ministry circles, the Two Poor Pastors spoke today concerning the growing wave of protestors vowing to disrupt their March 31st concert in Milford. The 2P2 covered a wealth of topics including charges of heresy, racism and animal abuse. In this, part one of a five part report, the Pastors spoke in answer to animal abuse charges surrounding the death of a mole in the fall of 2005.

“Mike is still too emotional to talk much about it”, said Pastor Darin Shaw. Pastor Michael Knight stared at the floor for much of this section of the interview, occasionally wiping his eyes or blowing his nose.

“It was a matter of self defense. Most people don’t realize how dangerous those moles really are. They are responsible for a number of human deaths each year. They’ve got that one big tooth, you know. If they get you in the area of a major artery, and that’s where they concentrate their attacks, you can bleed out!” said Shaw.

I asked if there was documentation of this ferocity. Shaw replied, “Absolutely. In fact Mike had just seen a special on Animal Planet about this called ‘Moles Gone Wild’. So this whole incident happened when the image of moles attacking was fresh in Mike’s mind.”

At this point Mike added in, “It was really him or me!”

Shaw continued, “People also underestimate how illusive those little critters are. I mean, it was one heck of a shot (can I say ‘heck’ here?) for Mike to land that blow with the snow shovel. Why do you think there is a game called ‘Whack-a-mole’? I’ll tell you why. Those little critters jive and weave making them very hard to hit. They’re shifty and fast. I mean, they don’t call the game ‘Whack-a-kindergartner’ or ‘Whack-a-squirrel’ – it’s ‘Whack-a-mole’, man.”

Knight spoke up again, “Tell them about the psychologist’s theory.”

Shaw continued, “We took Mike to a shrink, you know, to deal with the trauma. The doc told us about cases where some people get so distraught emotionally that they decide to take their own lives, but they do it in such a way that someone else actually pulls the trigger. Perhaps the distraught person will commit a crime and then the police will come, and they’ll point a weapon at police, and force the officer to use deadly force in self defense. Well, who’s to say that this little mole wasn’t troubled? Maybe he saw Mike and that snow shovel as a way to… you know. Maybe that was the plan from the beginning.”

“I wish I could have talked to the little guy” added Mike. “I mean, maybe we could have gotten him some help. I guess we’ll never know.” At this point Pastor Mike excused himself for a few moments.

Shaw concluded, “You see that? He’s broken up about this. These activists don’t know what kind of pain they’re causing. It wasn’t animal abuse. It was self defense. No one feels worse about it than we do.”

But what of reports that there was a separate mole incident back in 2004? The moment that question was posed, Sharon the church administrator, stepped in to tell Pastor Darin that there was an urgent matter that needed his immediate attention. Was it good timing or is there more to the story that we haven’t uncovered? Stay tuned for parts 2 thru 5 of our Interactive Sermon Exclusive.

A 'serious' note to my Interactive Sermon friends... my postings counter tells me that this is my 300th post on the blog. Thank you for seeing this milestone with me. I look forward to the next 300!


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